Friday, December 28, 2007

In between days



My mind has become pregnant with thoughts I have no time, energy nor space to sort through. Oliver is 7 months old and is what we are calling a baubler: not quite a toddler, but almost not a baby. He is crawling, eating, getting into everything, and bumping his head at least a dozen times a day. God, Ollie is so funny, and loving, and cute. I can’t believe how lucky we are. I look him and can’t believe that he came from me. Life has just become an exhausting riot; the primary focus has been keeping our very independent baby from seriously hurting himself. At the end of the day I sometimes try to indulge in a bath and get in enough time to read a bit before sleep conquers me. I have picked up the best American non-required reading, and have been really impressed with some of the writing so far. An anthology is perfect for me…I don’t seem to have the time nor the intellectual stamina anymore to get through a larger novel these days. Short stories are just right; I can read an entire story before bed and get to, sort of, still enjoy that sense of fulfillment or accomplishment that normally comes at the end of a book. I am totally up for some recommendations of some good short-story anthologies to read when I finish up with this one. Sometimes I still can’t believe I am a mother; I think that motherhood suits me well, at least I think I am doing a good job at it, and I really do like it, though I am battling a bit of post-partum depression and I find it so ironic because I never really believed in depression before. I am still trying to figure out who I am as a mother and living in the middle of Illinois, or as I like to call it, hell. I am feeling a little bit lost these days and Oliver and I have been spending more time indoors as it gets colder outside. I am desperate to get dressed up (I miss wearing my amazing black pumps and find that nobody, ever, wears pumps here), to go to a good rock show and to go out for some pints with a couple of friends somewhere with a really good jukebox, and to go dancing somewhere with some really good soul music and good dancing space. Of course everywhere I have in mind is in Chicago…everything I want to do is in Chicago. I feel so homesick for the city, and really want Oliver to grow up in its streets, smelling the chocolate and lilacs in the air, riding the pee-soaked train all over the city, getting sand in his toes while flying kites at the beach, and walking to Dollop after school for some tea and to chat about his day. I am really working hard on finding things I love here, and I really like the Urbana library; it is the best way for us to spend our day indoors. Oliver has such a great time tumbling about in the children’s room, and they have a really good music & dvd selection.

Oh-I am totally smitten with this site.
Go forth and waste precious hours of your day.

1 comment:

Sonya said...

I'm glad libraries bring you happiness. That makes my whole existence +3!